Understanding the Different Parts of Ourselves
Have you ever noticed that one part of you wants to speak up, while another wants to avoid conflict? Or perhaps one part knows you’re capable, while another worries about making mistakes, being criticised or not being good enough?
The Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, developed by psychologist Dr Richard Schwartz, recognises that we all have different parts of ourselves. These parts develop through our experiences and often take on particular roles to help us navigate relationships, manage emotions and protect ourselves from emotional pain.
Sometimes these protective strategies are helpful. At other times, they can become automatic, exhausting or unhelpful.
One of the central principles of IFS is that all parts are welcome. Rather than fighting against parts of ourselves, we can learn to understand them, appreciate their protective intentions and develop healthier ways of responding (Schwartz, 1995; Schwartz & Sweezy, 2020).
Meet Your Internal Family
IFS identifies three broad categories of protective and vulnerable parts.
1. Managers – The Parts That Try to Keep Us Safe
Managers are proactive protectors. They try to prevent emotional pain, rejection, embarrassment or vulnerability before it happens.
You might recognise:
- The Perfectionist: “If I get everything right, nobody can criticise me.”
- The People-Pleaser: “If I keep everyone happy, there won’t be conflict.”
- The Inner Critic: “If I’m hard on myself, I’ll avoid making mistakes.”
- The Overthinker: “If I anticipate everything that could go wrong, I’ll be prepared.”
Although these strategies may become exhausting, their underlying intention is often to keep us safe.
2. Firefighters – The Parts That React When We’re Overwhelmed
Firefighters are reactive protectors. They become activated when painful feelings break through and attempt to reduce distress as quickly as possible.
They might encourage us to become angry or defensive, withdraw from relationships, shut down emotionally, distract ourselves or seek immediate relief through unhelpful coping behaviours.
Firefighters are not necessarily concerned with long-term consequences. Their priority is to stop the immediate emotional discomfort.
3. Exiles – The Parts That Carry Emotional Wounds
Exiles are vulnerable parts that carry painful experiences, memories and beliefs, often associated with rejection, shame, abandonment, fear or not feeling good enough.
An exile might carry beliefs such as:
- “I’m not important.”
- “I’m not safe.”
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “There must be something wrong with me.”
Managers and firefighters often work hard to prevent these vulnerable feelings from being experienced again.
The important thing to remember is that none of these parts is inherently bad. Even when their strategies create difficulties, they are often attempting to protect us (Schwartz & Sweezy, 2020; Fisher, 2017).
Your True Self – Accessing Self Energy
At the centre of IFS is the understanding that beneath our protective responses, we have access to a core sense of Self.
Self is the calm, compassionate and wise presence within us that can observe our experiences without being overwhelmed or controlled by them.
When we are more Self-led, we can recognise our feelings without automatically reacting, consider different perspectives and make choices consistent with our values. We can find space between reacting and responding.
IFS describes eight qualities of Self Energy, commonly known as the 8 C’s.
| The 8 C’s | What they mean |
|---|---|
| Calmness | Feeling sufficiently settled to respond thoughtfully. |
| Clarity | Seeing situations more accurately, without being dominated by fear or assumptions. |
| Curiosity | Wondering why we feel or react a certain way rather than judging ourselves. |
| Compassion | Treating ourselves and others with kindness and understanding. |
| Confidence | Trusting our ability to manage life’s challenges. |
| Courage | Facing difficulties and establishing healthy boundaries. |
| Creativity | Discovering new ways of approaching problems. |
| Connectedness | Feeling more connected to ourselves and others. |
(Schwartz & Sweezy, 2020)
These qualities are not something we must perform perfectly. Rather, they are capacities we can become more familiar with through awareness, practice and therapy. My favourite is Curiosity, because I find that even when I am angry, bored or just plain burned out, I can become curious.
Self Energy and Your Nervous System
Our nervous system continually responds to signs of safety and threat.
When we perceive criticism, rejection, judgement or conflict, protective responses may become activated. We might experience fight, flight, freeze or shutdown reactions.
Polyvagal Theory describes a ventral vagal state associated with feelings of safety, social connection and flexible emotional regulation (Porges, 2011).
This offers a useful way of thinking about Self energy. When we feel sufficiently safe and regulated, it may become easier to access calmness, curiosity, compassion and clarity.
However, Self energy and ventral vagal regulation are concepts from different theoretical models and are not scientifically established as the same state. It is just a useful metaphor, not fact.
The goal is not to eliminate difficult emotions or remain calm all the time. It is to develop greater flexibility in how we respond.
How Parts Work Supports EMDR Therapy
At Artemis Psychology Services, trauma therapy is approached through three interconnected stages, informed by the phase-oriented model of trauma recovery described by Herman (1992).
Stage 1 – Stabilisation and Preparation
Before processing distressing experiences, we work towards developing emotional safety, understanding our responses and strengthening our ability to remain within our window of tolerance (Siegel, 1999).
IFS-informed parts work can be particularly useful during this stage.
It can help us:
- Recognise which parts become activated during stress or conflict.
- Understand the protective intentions behind our reactions.
- Reduce self-criticism and internal conflict.
- Develop compassion towards vulnerable parts.
- Strengthen emotional regulation and access to Self energy.
- Prepare for EMDR processing at a manageable pace.
Stage 2 – Trauma Processing
Once sufficient preparation and stabilisation have been established, EMDR therapy can help us reprocess distressing memories and associated negative beliefs.
Parts work may complement EMDR by helping us recognise protective concerns that arise during processing.